Practical Magic

Cheshire's answer to Hogwarts?

I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised that my previous post received an unusually high number of hits; potatoes of vaguely obscene shapes are clearly more interesting to my readers than money-saving recycling tips or aesthetically pleasing planting schemes!

But sadly, people, that's all the kinky spuds for this year; the ones still being lifted are very ordinary shapes, though infested with a new pest in some cases, identified with the invaluable assistance of Harry Delany at Reaseheath College as millipedes rather than tiny worms.  I must treat myself to a hand lens...

Wriggling pests - tiny millipedes, not worms.

Hopefully, the triumph of the creepy-crawlies will be short lived, now I am back at Reaseheath and three weeks in to the RHS Level 2 Practical Course which, should I complete it successfully, converts my RHS Certificate to a Diploma.  You've got to admit, that sounds dead clever, doesn't it? 

It's a course in which you get your hands dirty; literally.  Last week we were testing soil samples, a process familiar to most four-year-olds as essentially it's about making mud pies and then trying to roll pieces into balls and sausages.  The squishiness of the outcome and the time it takes to swarfega the residue off your hands tells you whether you're dealing with a sand, silt or clay soil.  How accurate it is I couldn't say, but it was fun!  We also tried our hands at some proper science with pH testing kits and got some quite dramatic results from a variety of soils, though myself and a fellow student using the same soils samples produced results a good 0.5 apart, suggesting some dodgy testing solution was to blame.



Colourful results



pH test - shaken not stirred!

This week it was the fine art of filling seed trays, properly, and sowing seeds of various sizes economically and evenly.  It's only when you watch someone doing it properly (and that won't be on 'Gardener's World' according to our Harry!) that you realise it's not just a matter of bundling some compost into a tray and flattening the top off. 

Here's one we did earlier...

We'll know whether we got it right next week when our efforts emerge from the germination room

All that, and the challenge of learning to identify twenty-seven different pests, diseases and disorders ready for testing next week.  I managed a clean sheet on my previous 'ident' test getting all 20 of  the perennial plants, but will I be able to tell my 'capsid bug' from my 'two-spotted spider mite', my 'bitter pit' from my 'apple scab'?  I bet the suspence is killing you!





That's Life...?

A particularly bizarre Pink Fir Apple potato

In between the gallows humour invoked by the worst growing season in living memory and other odd bits of silliness, posts on this blog have tackled some fairly deep issues, climate change, Fair Trade and racial prejudice (not exclusively in relation to squirrels) to name a few.  There have been highbrow and lowbrow literary references, the odd nod to the film buff and a few passages of purple prose that got dangerously close to poetry.  This post isn't like any of those.  It exists entirely to amuse and delight those of you who enjoy that time-honoured tradition of sniggering at 'rude' vegetables. 

A few weeks ago, I was despairing at the state of my potato crop after a particularly virulent attack of blight during the late summer, but I think it's fair to say that the harvest has so far been better than expected and has indeed produced a few surprises...

Those of you old enough to remember the lowlights of Sunday evening TV in the 1970s will agree that this particular 'Pink Fir Apple' tater is unlucky to have been born too late and thus miss out on a staring role on 'That's Life'! 

If 'Pink Fir Apple' spuds are worthy of a giggle individually, collectively they are hilarious, one might even suggest 'hysterical'.  I hesitate to imagine what the Victorians who first cultivated them made of them.  Mash, presumably, for the sake of modesty, and even then, possibly not for their wives or servants!

A photo worthy of a caption competition, perhaps?

It's not just the spuds that can be a potentially embarrassing addition to the veg box or the dinner plate.  Parsnips grown in stony ground can also turn out to be rather amusing, even if not particularly impressive.

Well, that's lowered the tone enough for one blog and probably put several of you off your dinner.  Something more edifying next time, I promise!

But I do wonder whatever happened to that skateboarding duck and the dog that could say 'sausages'...